New Year's Resolutions

Does the title of this blog post make you cringe? Me too.

If you look up the definition of "resolution" on Google, it states that resolution means "a firm decision to do or not do something".

With a definition like that it is no wonder that most people's resolutions fail! "Firm decision" saids to me that there is no turning back once you make that decision.

If you know me IRL or follow me on social media, it will be no surprise that I couldn't wait for 2022 to be over with. I have never been one to say "that was a bad year for me", but I can definitely say that 2022 was a bad year for me.

I try to think of the good things from 2022, but they are hard to come up with. My trip to New Orleans with my friend Cynthia was definitely fun, but I have been having a hard time coming up with many fun memories from 2022. My father's death on 9/24/22 has pretty much overshadowed anything positive that has happened over the course of 2022.

I have been open about my decision to leave teaching and to "fear walk" and see where life takes me. Things and events have happened since June that has propelled me even further to fear walk. I would be lying if I told you that it is easy to try to live your life with courage and honesty. I question myself openly all the time and I feel like my mind jumps from thought to thought and idea to idea at a much rapid pace than it ever has before in my life.

At one point this fall, I didn't trust my gut and decided to take an opportunity that I was a perfect fit for. I signed a confidentiality agreement with this company and I don't feel like being sued, so I am not going to mention who I was working for or what I was exactly doing. Let's just call it "the company who must not be named". Working for "the company who must not be named" ended up being a nightmare that I had to find the strength to walk away from. That is when I told myself that I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be unhappy anymore.

For the first time in my life, I can say that my occupation is "an artist". That has been a dream of mine like forever, but realistically did not believe I could pull it off. I still am not 100 percent sure that I can, but I believe that life is gently guiding my hand to live my own truth. My own truth has been to live a creative life. I have always known that, but didn't have the confidence or strength to even admit to that. Lately, getting up and working to support someone else's dreams or bottom line does not sit well for me at the end of the day.

This could end up being a disaster and in 6 months I might be working for a company that sucks my soul to get a paycheck. But it will be my disaster that I own up to. I don't care anymore. This is coming from a person that all they have done in their life is "cared". Cared what people thought. Cared about what I could provide to others. Cared about being successful. Cared about being liked.

So, for now, I'm an artist. If you want to find me, I might be in my studio, head to toe in mess, creating something amazing. I might be teaching random strangers how to paint. You might find me walking my dog looking at nature. I also might be drinking coffee and watching the birds at my feeders. But, at the end of the day, you can say that I am living my truth and who I am meant to be.

What does this all have to do with resolutions? I guess my beef at the "firm decision" definition. Resolutions shouldn't be about doing or not doing anything ever again. There needs to be a flexibility to any decision that one makes during the course of their life. This includes resolutions.

So how can you support me on this journey? By sharing. Sharing my posts, my social media musings and my art. By signing up for my email newsletter because there are a whole lot of people I would like to see my art and connect with. You could also come by when I do a show and say "hi" because it's always nice to see a friendly face. You can "like" my posts.

If you got his far, thank you for reading all of this randomness. The people I cherish in my life the most are the ones that have stuck by me for YEARS constantly boosting me with words of encouragement. You all know who you are. Love you!